Introduction: Favorites from 2011

It's so difficult for me to even think that 2011 is coming to a close. So much has happened to me: I feel like I've been challenged (personally, academically and intellectually, musically, and spiritually) in ways I've never been before. Simultaneously, I've been blessed, rewarded, and forced to struggle with these experiences. I feel I have greatly matured this past year, and am grateful to have done so; it makes me eager to see what's to come next in my life.

So, in remembrance of 2011, my next two blogposts will be of some of my fondest memories, and, for my fellow YouTube and arts aficionados, some of my favorite YouTube videos! Hopefully you will enjoy and maybe learn from these reflections.

Best wishes to everyone for the new year of 2012! I hope you will drink up everything the world has to offer you, that you'll enjoy the seemingly hidden pleasures and beauties of life, and that you will know: a) how loved you are and b) the wonder of knowing God has a breathtaking life planned for you. Happy New Year!

An Apology and Update

So, I realize it's been almost two months since I've updated this blog.

What's filled my time? Let me check my Google Calendar for you...

• Performances (so many! Including: formal concerts, New York State Conference All-State, relaxed Christmas performances at banks, nursing homes, etc.) 
• An impressive smattering of pre-break tests and assessments
• The beginning of Christmas break!

It's been an insane two months: all my concerts seem to come at once. That, and second quarter of junior year threatening to take away my livelihood (just kidding, sort of). So for my prolonged absence, I apologize!

Despite my busyness and the inevitable stress that comes with it, I am so blessed to be where I am. I've had a wonderful time meeting new people, growing closer to people, sharing ideas, and performing and sharing music with others the past few months.

A lot of people tell me I'm doing too many musical activities, especially because I'm most likely not going to attend a musical conservatory. And yes, I have struggled mentally with devoting so much time to something I'm not pursuing as a career. But the fulfillment I receive from music is so incredible and indescribable, I know I have made the right decision in committing myself so fully. I recently was telling my family, the social aspect of music is almost as compelling to me as the music itself. The incredible friends I have made (some of whom I think of as my kindred spirits and/or soul mates), the inspiring role models, the addicting desire for improvement, and the pleasure of being welcomed and (in some cases) being a leader, is very self-satisfying to me. Of course there is, too, the beauty and power of the music I listen to, play, and in all cases, enjoy. What a wonderful life! To me, the happiness I receive from music is more than worth all the the hours I put into it; in fact, the more effort and time I spend on all my musical activities, the greater fulfillment I receive.

It's been a joy, recently, to play in a number of Christmas concerts. Usually one of the only times during the year I play for an atypical classical audience, it's a lot of fun to see people engrossed by our stringed instruments and playing (even if it doesn't sound that great!). One of my favorite moments was when a little boy came up to my quartet's first violinist, suddenly shy. He then proceeded to yell "Can you play Frosty?". Thanks to my orchestra teacher's vast Christmas collection piled onto our stands, we happily complied. 

Other than the music that takes up such a great place in my life, I've enjoyed my small triumphs in life. After I've had a difficult time in this second quarter of junior year, victories are all the more welcome! It's wonderful to see my hard work pay off.

Christmas break has been sorely desired and needed. It's amazing to have my whole family at home (my older sister has returned from college!); we've had a lot of fun as a family having meals together and just talking. Christmas was wonderful, and I actually really enjoyed going to church two days in a row: being with the church family, singing Christmas hymns, playing the viola, hearing the Christmas message, etc. Lighting candles as a church at the Christmas Eve service while singing Silent Night was especially beautiful and special to me.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and past couple of months!

Thank You

I just wanted to take a quick moment to thank everyone who reads my blog. It turns out I have a bigger audience than I had imagined, from many more countries than I could really have dreamed of. 


Thank you!


I hope that I'm fulfilling my ambition in somehow encouraging and/or inspiring you. Life can be stressful and difficult, and sometimes it's easy to live by merely forcing your way through life's happenings. 


I get pulled into that trap all the time. 


But remember, life really is not like that at all. It is a gift, fully surrounded with beautiful things and beautiful people. Even if you're immediate surroundings are desolate (which happen only in rare instances), the beauty of the world cannot be denied: even just on YouTube, there is an entire world to marvel over.


Enjoy yourself! Try to let go of your stress and worries today, even if just for a moment. 


Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. -1 Peter 5:7


Did you read that? God cares for you! We are not meant to be constantly stressed out: cast your anxiety on him, thank God today for a beautiful piece of music, or a caring friend.


You are amazing! Try to leave your stress behind today!

Random Fact #1: Alina

Note: I thought it might be fun to share random, fun, and quick facts about myself, so here we begin!

If I have a baby daughter, I want to name her Alina.

That probably has to do with the fact that...

...I'm fascinated, almost to a strange extent, with Russian culture, especially in regard to classical music and ballet.

...While a foreign name, it's highly pronounceable.

...I adore Alina Somova, principal dancer with the Mariinsky Ballet.

...and I think it's a really pretty name. :)

The Chamber Music Connection: Schumann

Today I had the most incredible chamber music coaching with my piano quintet. We are playing the Schumann Piano Quintet.

As masterful and beautiful as this performance is, watching it is now dull for me: that is how very profound the experience was for me. I truly felt the music while knowing the four musicians I was surrounded by, as well as my coach, were feeling it as deeply as I did. We thought, reasoned, experimented, breathed, and laughed together. I know I was making pained/emotional faces that I should probably be very embarrassed of, but looking back, I know I couldn't have done anything else: it was required of the moment. It was an amazing, remarkable experience. I can barely describe it in words. When you feel something so powerful as music with other people, it introduces an incredible connection. I have never known how chamber music, or the making of music in general, to be so greatly fulfilling.

Today's coaching was our second. I can't wait to see what our group will achieve in the year we have together.

I hope you'll enjoy this piece (if you like the first movement, please check out the entire quintet)! It is very romantic, sublime, and captivating. It takes my breath away!

A Chance to Breathe: Thoughts on the Beginning of My Junior Year

Hello readers!

Well. Obviously, it's been a bit since I've last posted, for an apparent and obvious reason: school has begun!

I'm a good month into my junior year of high school. In terms of schoolwork and outside activities, it's been my busiest year by far. And although I'm not getting enough sleep and the dark circles under my eyes seem to be present every morning, I wouldn't trade anything for what I have.

If you know me or have read anything of what I have written, it is frankly obvious that I am a nerd. And not only a nerd, but a supernerd. (I'm so awesome, aren't I? :D) So it shouldn't be surprising to you that school is interesting and invigorating to me. More than my being a nerd, though, I have been blessed by attending a really excellent high school with exciting, passionate teachers.

On top of that, I have entered junior year with what I believe to be a God-given new mindset. My main principles, in terms of my education, include:

1) Education is a privilege.
2) Work hard to benefit and/or honor myself, my family, and God.
3) Don't be influenced by peers in terms of negative lifestyle, attitude, or work ethic.
4) Learn from, and be inspired and guided by, positive influences: teachers, peers, etc.

I developed this mindset this summer because of a few reasons: reflecting on and journaling about my sophomore year in retrospect, seeing The Supply Education Group's videos about their school in Lenana, Kenya, inspiration from my amazing peers at last year's academic awards ceremony, my own passion and determination, and more. In addition to all this, my positive attitude I believe is straight from God. He has been so faithful and is so wonderful; He has really given me an amazing gift in my new attitude.

Yes, education is mandatory in accordance to federal regulations in the United States. But seeing The Supply's videos has made me see how fortunate we are to have education as a national requirement. In many parts of the world, education is but a dream.

Education empowers us, gives the younger generation a future, and opens the world up to discovery. It is our key to the future, a tool that allows us to enter society with a voice. School is not a burden: our education is a gift.

My school environment is remarkable. Yes, there are probably a disproportionate amount of kids who use drugs, there are those who always come in late or not at all, kids who skip classes, don't do their homework, etc.

But there are teachers who are excited about their subject, and are eager to share information and their past experiences. My peers are intelligent, thoughtful, hilarious, and unique. As I make my way into more advanced classes, I've noticed my classroom environments becoming more serious: I feel I'm learning more than I ever have. And although I do feel swamped with work, all the discoveries and opportunities available to me are incredibly exciting.

In terms of clubs, I'm excited to see what my school's environmental club (I'm treasurer) will achieve this year. Unfortunately, many of my clubs haven't really started up, but I'm looking forward to what they, and I in them, will accomplish.

Music.

It is truly my second life. I spend around around 14 hours or so a week involved in my youth orchestras, music theory classes, piano lessons, viola lessons, an honors piano quintet, and a scholarship string quartet. And while it can be a frustrating, overwhelming life (I was talking to a good friend today about how it's the whole "why all poets are suicidal" thing: artists are self-critical and determined to reach perfection), I feel incredibly blessed to be involved in such a wonderful art.

I am doing a LOT within music. But every single minute I spend practicing, rehearsing, attending class, etc. I feel myself maturing as a musician, artist, and person. My appreciation for my teachers and friends around me, as well as culture, history, and music itself, is constantly increasing. I'm so privileged to be in a position where I'm given such amazing opportunities: to learn from some remarkable artists and role models, to meet and bond with incredible musicians, people, and friends, and to surround myself with the beauty that is music.

God has blessed me greatly: I'm very thankful to Him. Yes, I'm struggling a little with the work load and busyness: sleep is indeed a precious commodity that I'm definitely lacking at this point! But beyond that, I'm continually amazed by the depth of everything that is in the world, ready for me to encounter and discover.

Life is a gift. God has placed it before us.

Enjoy it. :)

Relay for Life 2011

Today I'm going to share with you what may have possibly been the best thirteen and a half hours of my life.

If you do not know, Relay for Life is an event organized by the American Cancer Society. Teams raise money and attend an event for cancer awareness and remembrance, while uniting to find the cure.

While my school district put on an event last year, it was somewhat poorly attended because of its last-minute planning. Additionally, it did not go overnight, lasting only around six hours. I attended, but don't believe I received the whole experience that Relay is. This probably also amounted to the fact that I was on a team that signed up for shifts, and I only attended for a couple of hours. It did have its benefits though: I enjoyed the time I spent with my friends, and the relatively small number of people allowed the games to be very fun. 

This year, however, I believe Relay for Life reached its potential in my community. Together, we raised over $65,000, with over four hundred people participating. It was a truly wonderful event: it was held outside, like most are, for twelve hours (7 P.M. until 7 A.M.). The organizational team did a fantastic job getting the outdoor track set up, organizing EVERYTHING, and making the experience an unforgettable one.

I, personally, began my journey to Relay very late. I was unsure if I would be available on the date (it was in the summer), and when my plans began to solidify, I saw Relay would be two days before an international trip I was taking. Perhaps not the best of circumstances.

However, due to the urging of the committee to my school's student body, as well as my own desire to participate, I finally asked my friends if they wanted to create a team with me. As younger members of our school (the committee was created of seniors, only, I believe), I found no teams that I, or my friends, would really belong to. I found that frustrating, but only increased my efforts to start our own team.

Finally, I received positive feedback. A few of my friends would definitely participate with me! As the one who had constantly bothered my friends, prodding for resolute answers and creating a monster of a Facebook thread, I began and captained our team: Team Ready for a Cure.

Okay. I know, I know, the team name is not the most original, nor the most creative. But honestly, at this point, we had less than a week until the Relay. Less than a week to organize who was bringing what, to fundraise, to fit the twelve hour event into our schedules. I worked frantically to try to familiarize my friends with what would happen, so they, and I, would be well prepared in terms of being registered, having sweatshirts and long jeans to change into, etc. I scoured the Relay for Life website for checklists of items to bring, continued to bother my friends by sending them hourly weather charts of the event (oh yes, I'm a bit obsessive), registration forms, etc. Due to the lack of time, I was able to raise a bit of money from my family members and myself, but that was it, unfortunately.

Finally, it was the day! I was very excited to spend my time enjoying the event, until literally half an hour before I was going to leave.

ADULT SUPERVISION.

I can't tell you how much I was panicking. I had spent so many hours (literally!) making sure my team had everything it needed, and these measly thirty minutes before I was to arrive, we would perhaps not be able to spend the night? I was pretty much going out of my mind.

Thankfully, I asked a graduated senior who I had become pretty close to, who told me his team didn't have a supervisor and that the committee would probably not kick my team out. It was a school event after all, teams created by kids would have to be acceptable.

Grateful for his help but still not knowing if we would be able to spend the whole time there, I picked up one of my friends and arrived at the event. After learning with glee they would allow us to stay overnight without an adult supervisor (honestly, we really didn't need one), I worked with my mom and friend to set up the tent.

If you don't know me personally, my family is very un-outdoorsy. We love nature and its incredible beauty, but camping just doesn't work with us. We tried camping in a tent at a church retreat once, and never went again.

As you can probably guess, therefore, my mother and I served almost zero help to my brilliant, amazing friend who set up the complicated tent virtually all by herself. After that, my three other friends arrived one by one, until we were our complete Team Relay for Life: a solid five members (aw, yeah).

I'm not going to go singlehandedly into each amazing event that took place that 13.5 hours, but it is a night (and morning) I will never forget.

I was able to discuss and remember effects cancer have had on my life, and my friends shared their stories. It was an incredible thing for me, because in all honesty, nobody talks about stories like these in school. It's just something you keep and struggle with to yourself in school, even with your friends. It was amazing to share stories, to see where we were all coming from, and to sympathize and empathize with each other.

In the beginning, we all walked together until splitting off (two people wanted to put bug spray on, stayed for a LONG time at our campsite eating and talking, when they finally returned, the other three were tired and needed a break, etc.). Eventually, though, I think we just couldn't bear being separated. We all walked together around the track for a long time, talking, laughing, skipping, dancing, linking arms.

I still remember walking and seeing the gorgeous sunset, with hundreds of people from my community around me rallying for the same cause. The sky lit with soft pinks, purples, and blues, as the sun sank underneath the radiant clouds to the darkness below.

After darkness fell, one of the most memorable occasions of Relay took place: the Luminaria ceremony. The bags with candles were decorated by people earlier during the event (I believe four of my friends bought and decorated one) and lined up around the track. In the darkness, the luminaria bags were lit. Snuggled in our jeans, sweatshirts, sweatpants, my friends all settled down onto the grass to watch the ceremony commence.

An emotional and amazing Luminaria ceremony took place that night. A couple people spoke of people they loved who had fought and lost to cancer, and a slideshow of survivors and those who, unfortunately, did not survive, took place above the track. Afterwards, we walked a lap of silence to remember those who had fought cancer. Linking arms with my friends, we walked together, looking at all the names that adorned the luminaria bags around the track. On the bleachers, luminaria bags created the word "hope".

It was so incredible.

Afterwards, Relay continued. I had an extremely memorable, 11-lap, hour long (my friends counted) discussion with the same graduate I mentioned earlier. I had spent time with him beforehand, but didn't know him individually too well. I really admired him, perhaps from afar, however, as he is a role model for many. Our conversation contained pretty much everything: it was amazing. I believe we learned so much about and from each other, even in that one conversation.

My friends and I became inseparable by this time. We refused to split up, like we had earlier, going as an entire team to walk the track, and then back to our campsite to talk, laugh, etc. I had an unbelievably good time with them. Particularly memorable was our decision to walk another lap after we had been resting for a couple of hours. This was probably around 3 A.M. We were incredibly sore (we walked for such a long time!), but persevered on, linking arms and kind of shuffling/tripping around the track. We finally slept (more like napped), completely exhausted and sprawled on top of each other, at I believe, 5 A.M. or so.

To be awoken half an hour or so later. It was time to pack up!

As we waited for others to finish packing (I'd say most teams had at least eight people as opposed to our five), we sat in our lawn chairs looking somewhat grumpily (but good-naturedly!) at the early morning sun (another of my friends and I, the non-morning people, had missed the actual sunrise). The sun fell so beautifully over the school above us, painting it with light and color. The sky had never looked so bright blue and alive.

We took our last lap together as participants of the Relay. Once again, I stumbled/walked with my team, arm in arm. We took pictures of our luminaria bags, and then waited together for our parents to pick us up, smiling, fooling around, and interacting grumpily but with love.

Despite being prepared only for a week, with only a five person team, my Relay experience was surreal. I truly felt the community uniting to fight cancer, to remember, celebrate, and honor together. I shared stories with, and was told stories, I maybe would have not shared or heard. I empathized with my friends, and community. I solidified my relationship with, and got to know, someone who is the closest thing to an older brother I have ever had. I have countless memories of my friends and I laughing, talking, and fooling around during our 13.5 hours together. I remembered my mom's and family's fight with cancer. I found determination to prevent any other family from having to deal with the deadly disease that is cancer. My friends and I talked without letting gossip darken our time together. I got the most exercise I will most likely get this year. Oh, and I received a snazzy t-shirt with "Team Captain" on the back.  

There are too many words, too many memories. I will never forget it.

If you ever have the opportunity, please look for a Relay for Life around you. Get some peers, coworkers, or friends (friends, I think, make for the most enjoyable companions!) to join you: be proactive in creating a Relay experience for yourself. It is a big commitment, as most are overnight. But you will not regret it! It is an extraordinary way to, as the American Cancer Society says, to "Celebrate. Remember. [And] Fight Back.".

Cancer has affected an incredible amount of people all over the world. Relay is an amazing way you can raise money and awareness to fight against it, whilst uniting with your community and spending time with people you love.

4 A.M.

The glaring of the white light a foot from my face.

The fingerprint on my laptop I can only see with my chin resting on my arm.

Trying so desperately hard, but simultaneously losing hope.

The color sucked out of my greenish skin.

The impending deadline.

The various music played: the only thing that can keep me company at this hour.

This is how it feels. To stay up endlessly late completing your work.

Note: DO NOT do this.

At least it's summer.

Too bad I didn't start my summer work earlier.

I do apologize for the negativity; for moments like this though, is there really anything else?

Keep working hard people! Try not to procrastinate like this nerd (albeit a bad time-managing one) here!